I ran for years.
Ran from the fear, from the dread, from longing.
Well that's what I thought.
But in reality I was running to it.
Running away from what I really needed...
But what did I care?
Nothing would make a difference.
I was a nobody that meant nothing.
Hiding in every moment.
Keeping watch of every second that passed.
Afraid to enjoy, afraid to be happy, afraid to forget.
Forget I wasn't meant to be those things.
Conviction, doubt, truth and lies.
I don't know which one scared me more.
Living in fear was normal.
What was peace anyway?
He called me on a daily basis.
Nonstop, knocking and pleading.
"Let me help you, be mine.
Whatever, just go away...
Day after day.
Month after month.
Year after year.
He would not stop!
Just when I thought I couldn't be anymore terrified.
Everything falls apart....
2020, quarantine.
Locked even further into my mind.
But He used that, used it to His advantage.
Showing me exactly what I needed.
Flashing before my eyes the future I was choosing.
And it wasn't with Him...
Darkness, fire and misery.
An eternity separated from Him.
Forever imprisoned in fear and torture.
Never to feel His nudge on my heart again.
But He asked me again.
Why would he do that?
To take His help? To take Him?
After all the times I said no...
So I gave up the battle...
I couldn't fight this anymore.
I cried yes and fell into His arms.
In that moment I knew what peace really was.
No more fear, dread and doubt.
I have peace, security and truth.
True happiness, real joy.
I no longer fake a smile.
My joy is in my Saviour.
The One who never gave up on me.
I will forever be thankful!
Eternally grateful and blessed!
I used to live in darkness, fear and dread.
Living for the world, running from the truth.
But now, you guessed it...
I'm finally His!
by Amanda R. Rose
Thank you, God, for never giving up on me! All the times I screamed "no" in Your face and pleaded for you to leave me alone...and You said "No, I won't." right back at me. You loved me too much to leave me alone. And I will praise you for all eternity for my salvation. Thank you for showing me what true peace and joy is. I will forever be Yours!